Motherhood

Struggling with Loneliness

One thing I have certainly noticed is that becoming a mum is a lonely job. I have both friends with children and friends without.

It’s difficult to talk about struggles with my best friend, who doesn’t yet have children, as she doesn’t really understand. For example, I can moan that Baby B has been a nightmare and whining all day and tell her it’s due to being overtired and she just won’t get it. She’ll try to say that it’s not a thing and that surely if she was tired she would just sleep – if only.

I thought I would get along fine as I have 2 friends with babies themselves, one 6 months older than Baby B and one 3 weeks younger. I have seen them a total of 4 times combined in almost 7 months, and once was because one of the friends wanted to borrow something. The girl who had her little one after me was someone I worked with and I really hoped that we would be able to keep in contact and visit each other while on maternity leave, the only time this has actually happened is when I made arrangements to travel to see her – which is actually harder for me as I have to take 2 buses to get there. I don’t begrudge her this, I know she had a lot of personal stuff going on and can understand that her social calendar was probably at the bottom of the list.

My point is that even though I have/had these friends, it can still be incredibly lonely. I’ve taken to giving my parents a daily call in the mornings while we do breakfast time so I have some adult contact other than my husband. It helps. I looked into baby classes and groups in my town but this is a bit of a struggle considering I don’t drive. I thought that living centrally in the town and on a bus route would make getting out much easier for us but it turns out I was wrong on that; each group is at least 2 bus journeys or a half hour walk away from us which hasn’t been practical in the winter months when the weather has been horrid.

And some of the prices for the baby classes are ridiculously expensive! I saw a baby sensory group that was charging over £80 for a term of 6 weeks, that was 6 sessions. Seriously, I can turn some pretty lights on at home and get some different textured items to play with for nothing. Plus, I have several aquariums which cover the visual aspect of this brilliantly.

But again, staying in and doing these things means its lonely. I’m on my own with Baby B all day.

So, I’ve turned forums and social media. I love BabyCentre for the forums and get to chat with other mums from my birth board and we can all share our experiences with our little ones as we are going through them. Social media allows me to keep up with the every day and interact with people around the world.

But its not enough.

As the weather is improving I’m looking into getting my husband to take us to a baby group 2 mornings a month where I can try to make some mum friends, its inexpensive and we can pay as we go which is more cost efficient for us. And with the weather improving I plan to take more walks so I can show Baby B the world, there’s a lovely trail behind our house which leads to a pond with ducks which we can visit.

 

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