Motherhood

Feeling Like I’m Going To Explode

I just need to have a good vent this morning as I am absolutely fuming.

On Thursday of last week I ended up blowing up on hubby as he just pushed the wrong buttons and I snapped. I unleashed all my anger at the way he shuts me down mid sentence for no reason, his complete laziness around the house, and my frustration that he hasn’t started to cope with Baby B yet with us being 10 months in.

There was a lot of ground covered and promises made to start pulling his weight and being more considerate to how his actions can affect others.

Lovely weekend was had by all and then I get up this morning.

All seemed fine, perfectly normal in fact. Until I sat in a puddle on the carpet while changing Baby B’s nappy. It turned out this particular puddle which was invisible was where he had spilled a beer after work last night when he got home. I have no issue with him having a couple while he unwinds but I fully expect him to clean up after himself, apparently this is an unrealistic expectation as there were no signs of paper towels in the bin or a wet tea towel to show he had actually tried to mop up his mess.

As a result, it had had time to seep into the carpet and stank meaning I had to get the vacuum out to shampoo the carpet properly and drag it back out. But I couldn’t do this immediately because at this point it was only 5am and I was trying to settle Baby B with a bottle.

She didn’t settle, and she wanted to crawl around which I obviously couldn’t allow as I’m not going to let her roll around in beer. I don’t mind a bit of dirt here and there and we certainly don’t live in one of those sterile houses, but I do draw a line there.

To add to my fury on this was the discovery when I went to make a second bottle that although they had been sterilised, they hadn’t actually been washed out properly in the first place. A load of the pieces had undissolved milk or sludge still in them – and bear in mind I had already used on of these bottles for Baby B when we first got up and it was still dark. So I had to re-wash and sterilise them all for the day while handling a frustrated baby who didn’t want to sleep and didn’t want to be strapped into her high chair or rocker seat and has just been getting furious with me all morning because I wouldn’t let her down.

I’m feeling just about done here. I honestly don’t know if I can carry on living like this. He was so good when she was first born but since then there has just been such a downward slope of laziness and selfishness and I just don’t know if I can cope with it for much longer. I’ve tried talking to him but apparently it is going in one ear and out the other.

I might as well be a single parent living on my own, there would be less work for me to do.

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